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If I can be serious for a moment ...

Lance Storm

I love my job. I honestly do. I'm pretty sure that I have, as far as secular jobs go, the best job in the world. I work whenever I want, pretty much wherever I want, and my boss is nonexistent. The job could not be more perfect for the kind of person that God created when he formed me.

The last few weeks, though, something has been lacking. I've sat down to work, at whatever time work happened to roll around for the day, and I've felt ... off. The cynic in me would suggest that it's because I've been working the same job for three years, therefore making it time for me to find a new job to maintain the natural order of things, and I thought for a while that maybe that was it. It's not like I've never gotten bored with a job before. It just didn't fit, though; I wasn't bored, I was depressed when I sat down in front of the keyboard.

Fast forward with me from where we were a little to the weekend that just passed, and I'll run things down for you. Friday night, Holli and I went to the WVIHOP. We sat next to our good friend Marvin for about an hour, and the three of us lifted up our voices to the Lord. It was marvelous.

Saturday I got to have my first real Sabbath in ages, since there was no work required of me to help get ready for church (or church for that matter, because we're moving to Sundays), so I spent the day honoring the Lord's day and spending time with the Lord. The only time I left the house was to go back to WVIHOP for Harp and Bowl training, which basically consisted of me learning a little about the structure and then playing some worship music with Marvin. The rest of the day I laid around the house, listened to worship music, and enjoyed my family. It, too, was marvelous.

Sunday, the congregation from HealingPointe - since we're without a building for another couple of weeks - went down south to Pimento to have service with the folks from Father's Glory. It was a great visit, filled with wonderful people and a really awesome spirit to worship. After the service, we all went back to Eric and Amy's place. We hung out for a few hours, ate some great grilled food, and watched the kids play around in the sprinkler in the back while we all talked. It might have been the best day I've had in a long time.

I spent the weekend dwelling in my Father's love. I felt it when I worshipped, I felt it when I played for him, and I felt it in the love of those around me. I was almost overwhelmed by it. Then came yesterday. I sat down at my keyboard, started to work, and my heart just sank. That's when I figured out what's been wrong.

I want that feeling that I had this weekend all the time. I want to be filled with the Spirit constantly. I want to abide in my Father's presence and love throughout this life. I just don't know how to do it yet. I want to spend my days singing to the Lord, praying, loving on my friends, my family, and anyone I can find on the street. I want more.

The rub, though, is that I can't have more; not yet, at least. I have tasks in front of me that I must take care of. Knowing what the alternatives could be, though, makes things somewhat difficult at times.

I oftentimes liken us to children and God to our parent when talking about stuff with Holli, which I think frustrates her, but the analogy is so perfect here. I can picture Holli baking some cookies and the kids come running in because they smell the awesome cookies, and they know how good cookies taste, and it's so cool that there are cookies right there for them to eat soon. Then daddy comes along and tells them that they don't get cookies until they clean their rooms. Their little hearts sink, they stomp back to their rooms, and rather than just buckling down, cleaning it real quick, and then eating cookies, they pout, get nothing done, and end up going to bed without any cookies.

That's me right now. I'm throwing a temper tantrum becuase I can't have my cookies just this minute. I just need to shut up, clean my room, and get ready to enjoy the cookies when I'm done.