Thursday, February 26, 2009


Maybe you have to know darkness before you can appreciate the light.

Madeline L'Engle
A Ring of Endless Light (1980)

If you know me or follow the blog, you know that I work at night. I don't do it out of pure necessity, but rather for reasons of productivity; I split my day into two shifts, taking care of client contact and business-type-things during the day and doing my actual project work at night. Everyone around here is asleep when I work and the phone doesn't ring, so I'm more productive at night because there aren't any distractions around me. It also ends up giving me more time with my family, so on the whole, it's a good decision.

I'm starting to become acutely aware of the fact that there's not much of anything around me at night, though, most particularly light. This wasn't a big deal to me before, but the more and more I'm exposed to it, the more and more it's starting to bother me. The darkness in the house is palpable. It's cut in the bedroom as I work by the light from my laptop, which really just serves to emphasize the darkness that surrounds me. It's literally like there's this tiny little bubble of light I can see that just barely encompasses me, and there's this oppressive darkness pushing in on me, trying to break into my security.

It's bothering me. I hope this is just a passing thing, or at the very least my growing phobia starts to plateau soon, because this is getting tough to deal with. Maybe that's why I'm blogging about it now - it's the closest thing I can get to human interaction at the moment. I really just want someone to hug or high-five or something, but since that's not an option, y'all will have to do.

1 comment:

Beth said...

Cyber high five! I know, too little too late.